bigger is better

These are my toes.
It's getting really uncomfortable to get to them, so my sweet niece Lauren does them for me.
It's one of those little things that make me smile a lot.

Here's your future family, kiddo.
We went out exploring today.
When I saw this picture I laughed.
We look so young.
I look so pregnant.
But bigger is better and our family will be so much better when you get here.

the good, the bad, and the ugly

THE GOOD: I am days away from "officially" being in my third trimester, but who's counting right? I realized yesterday that in three months it's very likely I will have Lil Lucky kicking me from the outside instead of the inside. Also good: I am feeling pretty good. I have energy! Not a ton, but enough.

THE BAD: I am feeling a bit sick again and it's mostly at night. I also have a hard time doing simple things, like getting in the jeep, lifting my leg to get dressed, and holding Mason very long. I'll admit I'm a bit envious of women who feel great when pregnant. I just don't. But I've learned to appreciate my normal healthy body when it's over.

THE UGLY: I busted out the maternity pants yesterday. They are barely tolerable but I've started running out of options. I'm considering starting my own clothing line of maternity clothes that aren't horrible. It doesn't seem like so much to ask..

waddle

I used to wonder why pregnant women walked so awkwardly. Now I know. It's because it hurts!

My hips have been aching on and off. Mostly I just have to be careful when I get in and out of bed or from the car. Then, yesterday, I tried being helpful and took some heavy boxes to the UPS Store while Jason was out at work. I don't think they weighed more than 40 lbs each, but by the time I got home I was hurting. I tried spending the rest of the day laying down, but Mason didn't think that was a very fun game.

Today is a bit better, and I found that if I take a big stride with my left leg and then just bring up my right I can avoid a lot of the discomfort. I look like a zombie but I can move a lot faster!

I am bewildered that at this point in my first pregnancy I was exploring the ruins of Machu Picchu in Peru.

*I miss my chiropractor*

half time show

With my first pregnancy I always knew how far along I was and how much time I had left. I always knew what was "under construction" and how big the baby was. I subscribed to multiple baby websites and received emails and updates constantly. I read book after book, article after article. Sometimes I wonder if being too informed was perhaps detrimental.

This round I'm content just knowing everything is okay. The second trimester is blasting by. The other day someone asked how far along I was and I didn't really know. I looked it up later (yes, there is an app for that...actually...it might be too much information but there has been an app for every step of this baby's existence). What a surprise to see the half way mark had come and gone!

Things are going well. I had about 2 weeks where the morning sickness was mild enough that I could exercise easily. Now I'm plagued by a wonderful thing called the relaxin hormone. During pregnancy it's 10x more abundant than normal. It loosens the joints, especially in the back and pelvis, to eventually help during delivery. For whatever cosmic reason it just about kills me. I first noticed it when doing pilates. Suddenly it really hurt when I lifted my leg behind me. Then it started affecting my sleep. Then I had a hard time just getting up and down. Swimming gives my joints a lot of relief, but you can only spend so much time in a swimming pool.

As far as weight gain, I have no clue. With Mason, I lost so much at the beginning that it was a long time before I was "out of the red". I worked hard to maintain my weight this time so I think I'm fine. I feel big, or cumbersome. Wide mostly. This kid is still so low. So far the only thing I can't wear is a couple fitted-waist skirts. Last week I could wake up and not be showing, but by the end of the day my muscles were relaxed to where I was definitely poking out. Yesterday I wore my loose comfy pregger dress to church. It didn't matter how good my posture was- I was certainly showing.

The only other news is that I'm still throwing up. Not too often, but it's discouraging. Today I snacked on fruit and then made a super good dinner with veggies and salmon. I was so proud of myself (I despise fish for the most part) until I lost it all. Unfortunately there are no points for effort when it comes to nutrition during pregnancy.

So that's my 20ish week update. Life is good. He never lets me go very long with out a poke and a nudge as if to say "Hey mom, keep up the good work".

hop skip and a jump

Dear Lucky,
I've been thinking about you...well I always think about you... but especially today. I wonder what you will be like. Will you resemble your brother? Will you start out looking like me and then transform into another mini-Jason for the rest of your life? Sometimes I think I'm getting another baby exactly like the one I have. Other times I think you will be just the opposite. I'm sure you will surprise us with whatever combination you show up with.

I hope that I can be a more confidant mother. I'll be honest. Infants are not my forte. Early on with Mason was really hard. But he turned out just fine. I hope I learned my lesson. I hope we can teach each other to be calm and not worry so much.

I've been teaching Mason all about you. He knows to be soft with babies. And we're working on being quiet. He's doing really well, although if we ask him where the baby is he pulls up his shirt and pokes his own belly. Today he walked around with a large cup saying "I sick" and spitting into it. That's what having a baby means to him.

When I went to get the ultrasound to find out your gender I was excited to see you so grown up. You kept the technicians working hard to measure all the things they needed to. At one point you kept pushing your feet up right in the way. The tech pointed out that it looks like your second toes are longer than your big toes. That's how mine are. It's okay if that changes but for now that makes me smile a lot. When she said you were a boy I felt so...relieved! I enjoyed seeing you show off your biceps and then taking that big yawn. It was even cool seeing the "insider's view" of that false contraction.

Before I know it you'll be here and our lives with be forever different...better... more full. Until then I hope you know how much I love you already.

One last thing. I know you are learning and growing and having a ball in there. But, um, sometimes all that moving actually makes me sick. It's just a matter of weeks before the foot-jammed-in-my-rib stage is upon us, so if you want to take it easy for a while I won't complain.

Love you Little Lucky,
mom

tips for survival

I'm feeling so much better than I did a month ago. It's almost hard to believe. So before I forget (yes, I forget! I glaze over the rough stuff of motherhood. I think most women do. That's why there's such thing as siblings) here's a list of things that helped the first trimester.

• Sleep. I'd heard that exhaustion can make all morning sickness symptoms worse. It's so true. When I took care of myself, took every opportunity to nap, and headed to bed at a reasonable hour, it made a big difference.
  
• Eating at night. My mom found this one for me and it helped when nothing else did. I'm a light sleeper so I wake up a lot during the night. Also, with Jason out of state I was the only one attending to Mason if he woke up at night. Every time I woke up enough to realize I was awake I would eat something. It was usually a few pretzels I kept by my bed or something similar. It made the mornings more manageable. Scientifically it has something to do with blood sugar levels or something... all I know is that it helped.
  
• Lemons. I don't believe in pregnancy cravings. I do believe that when you are going through a hard experience that food can help a person momentarily feel better. That's why chicks gorge on ice cream when they get dumped. But whatever, I'm sounding judgmental. For me it's a fight to find anything that is palatable. I found that citrus was refreshing. With Mason I preferred limes, this round it was lemons. And an occasional binge of clementines. Even the tartness of lemon drops got me through some rough situations.
  
• Slim Fast. Funny right? At a time when I'm faced with a "slow and constant bulge" it was slim fast that helped calm my stomach. I absolutely did not use it as a meal substitution, but as a supplement. My doc would have preferred Ensure but that was SO NOT going to stay down. Super cold slim fast smoothie, sometimes just a sip at a time, added some needed calories. It was my go-to item when I got the shakes (no pun intended) from extended hours of no food.
  
• Potatoes. One of the first things I noticed when I realized I was expecting was a problematic aversion to vegetables. I tried to keep eating them and my body said NO! I think it was my mom once again who helped me discover the wonder of the baked potato. For a long time it was the one veggie I could keep down.
• Soda. Specifically a medium cherry fresh lime from Top Spot. I don't usually drink any pop whatsoever but this was helpful. Can someone please explain why I couldn't eat vegetables but a artificially flavored sugar concoction was allowed?
• Ice packs. On the eyes, forehead, and especially the back of the neck. It was a distraction when battling the nausea and soothing when I lost the fight.
• Medicine. My doc hooked me up with some amazing anti-nausea medication that comes in a gel form. It comes in pills too but I'm usually too sick to keep the pills in my body long enough to help. So this gel goes on your wrists where it is quickly absorbed into the blood stream. I'll be honest, I don't think it helped me throw up any less, but I believe it helped the in-between times so I wasn't constantly "on the verge".

• PIZZA! Mason was probably completely nourished by cheese pizza from Fazoli's. It was the only thing I was able to eat when I was pregnant and working. It's the carbs? The unoffensive smell and texture? I don't know, but I found once again with this pregnancy that pizza calmed my stomach. It doesn't make any sense, but then again what part of puking your guts out does??
  

little MISTER lucky

Poor kid has already been labeled "uncooperative", "stubborn", "squirmy", and "modest" by medical professionals and he's still in the womb. After a LOT of poking and prodding (and rolling and twisting on my part) we finally got a glimpse. I am so happy to know we're having another boy. We're also so happy to see him doing so well and that everything looks good.

When I got home Jason had this fill-in-the-blank waiting for me. I decided to make dinner first so he filled it in for me. Mean, I know, but how often do I get to have a secret?

This is the real result. Mason is smiling now... he has no idea what he's in for!

ah... the internet

Mason is mellow this evening and Jason is working late. So I put on my virtual swim suit for some frivolous web surfing. We explored all sorts of crazy gender prediction theories. It kept me entertained for a whole twenty minutes (and wonder why in the world any pregnant woman would risk messing with Drano fumes). There are certainly a lot of tests and theories out there.

So now I am completely convinced I have a 50% chance of either outcome.

I have tried to trick myself into "feeling" one way or the other. Truth be told, I just want this baby. With Mason I really wanted a boy. I think another one would be great. Just as great as experiencing the new frontier of a daughter. I used to think Starrs could only have boys, but then J&N finally had a girl.

So I don't really know what to think. But I don't think I'll find my answer on the internet.

i declare...

I declare this to be Exhaustion Week. It reminds me of a few months ago when I would fall asleep every time I stopped moving. Back in those days I usually had 3-4 naps before 10am. Mason is a little less nap tolerant these days so I can't get away with snoozing our lives away. I do try to kick up my feet when I can, and then I stretch out and hold really still so I can recognize the slight little movements in my stomach.

conversation with brother

Me: Hey, do you want a boy or a girl?
Mason: Girl.
Me: A girl or a boy?
Mason: Boy.
Me: Pink or Blue?
Mason: Blue.
Me: Blue or pink?
Mason: Pink.
Me: Are you just saying whatever I say last?
Mason: No.
Me: So do you want a brother or a sister?
Mason: NO!

is that you?

Last night I was in bed, trying to find a comfortable arrangement of pillows, blankets, and limbs. I'm already achy and uncomfortable at night, which is daunting because I haven't put on any weight yet. It's going to be a LONG pregnancy if I'm already not sleeping well at this point.

I finally rolled onto my back and sighed. Right then I felt something. Just a familiar nudge. A light flutter. Only as strong as my heartbeat. But unmistakable. The Quickening. Then it came again. I can't believe I'm feeling the baby already. We fell asleep with big smiles on our faces.

alabama miracle cure

We've moved to Alabama for the rest of the summer. Jason left first and we were supposed to follow but I've been to sick to move. I was worried about the 3 day drive and the exhaustion of packing and moving.

It looks like we had good timing ("a ticka ticka ticka good timin"). The trip went smoothly. Other than a few bad hours, I was really healthy. No throwing up in every state along the way! Since being here, I've had some bad episodes but nothing compared to the debilitating morning sickness I've had up to this point. I couldn't believe that day after day was passing without losing my lunch.

I thought Alabama must be magic or something. I thought I left my morning sickness in Utah. Or maybe it's the not-being-separated-from-the-husband factor. So when I got sick again I was pretty bummed. I am grateful that it's letting up though. Thank heavens for the glories of the second trimester.

Funny though: Jason has missed all the lovely and attractive puking action. He left before I got sick, and I was so much better by the time we got here. The few times I've been sick out here, he's been away from home. He might suspect I'm just making it up! :)

Fresh Air

Mason and I went to the Ranch for the Horsley Reunion. We stayed outside the cabins in a tent. I went FOUR days without throwing up. I decided it was all the fresh air. Or maybe the elevation change. Or maybe the magic of the mountain. Or the pond water. Either way it was really great.

Then we got home and I was sick enough for all that time put together multiplied by two. I think I might have to start sleeping outside on my lawn or something to get more of that wonderful fresh air.

two steps forward one step back

I'm a pretty miserable pregnant person. Luckily things have been getting better but I still have a lot of bad days. Sunday: good day. Monday: very bad day. Tuesday: good day. Today: bad day.

I got a lot done yesterday but probably pushed myself too hard. I don't have my normal strength or energy. I certainly paid for it today. I think I have a fragile constitution. Pioneer woman material I am not. It's so surprising to see how limited I am now compared to my normal abilities.

I have to make plans very cautiously. Nothing on Mondays and certainly nothing before 10am. Mornings continue to be the worst, but if I can take them very slowly it helps.

So today wasn't great...but hopefully that means better luck tomorrow.

happy words

My best friend Lindsey is just that...she's the best. She knows how crazy hard this pregnancy has been so she gave me the BEST present. I'd told her how gross and depressing it is to throw up in a toilet so she made me this:

It's a one of a kind, priceless, puke bowl. To help lift my spirits she added funny, sweet, and tender messages in permanent marker. Because I'm more in a "I need a laugh" mood, I'll share the funny ones now and post the others later. Thanks Linz! Your thoughtfulness and intuition are amazing...it's almost creepy :)

• Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid. -Arabic Proverb
• Vomit: to throw forth matter ejected from the stomach through the mouth; to spew; to disgorge; to belch forth; to emit; to eject from any hollow place. For further info contact Ashley.
  
• More people get out of your way if you say "I'm gonna puke" than if you say "excuse me."
• If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
• Feeling fat lasts 9 months but the joy of becoming a mom lasts forever.
• People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's in water. But certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.
  
• AND MY FAVORITE: Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.
  

mommy box

I am starting to pack up to head to Alabama for the summer. We'll only be TWO months behind Jason. I went to the basement to drag out my "Mommy Box". I knew I put some maternity clothes in there and thought I might need them before we move back home.

I forgot how much I hated maternity clothes. And it shows. I have exactly two pairs of pants (only one of which I ever used because the others were horrible), one bra (I think it's actually for nursing), and one shirt (and it's more of a pajama shirt).

So, I basically have no maternity clothes. I wonder what in the world I wore when I was pregnant with Mason...

one down...

The first trimester is finally over.
I feel a little less scared.
I feel a little less sick.
I feel a little stronger.
I feel a little smile coming on.
Almost feels like excitement.

Let's never do May again.
That was really hard.
I actually thought I might not make it.

Let's pray June is just lovely.

miracle grow

No wonder I am so tired all the time! Every time I go see the doctor, which is every two weeks, you've "aged" more than two weeks! It's hard work growing a baby at 1.5 times the normal rate. The due date keeps changing...oh well... you'll probably be late like your big brother. Let's aim to keep the action in 2010 though, okay?

wonderful awful pills

Doc says it safe to go off of the wonderful awful pills. I'd be more hesitant, but I hate it so much that I am willing to do what he says. Never in my life have I loved and hated something so much.

love how it increases my chances to keep this pregnancy
love how blessed I am to live in a time of medical technology miracles

hate how it makes morning sickness into every second sickness
hate all the other side effects that make me miserable

hate how it makes me sick and then I throw up my pills and then I freak out because I need them so I try to take more and then I get sick again and end up a stressed starving sobbing mess.

So goodbye and good riddance.
(now Placenta, DO YOUR THING!)

Hello Beautiful

This is at 8 and 1/2 weeks. I haven't posted other pictures because there wasn't much to see. But this! This is amazing. This is huge progress.

I could stay and listen to your heart beat all day.