strength, squints, and smiles

Eli is two and a half weeks old. Here are some of the things I've fallen in love with.

He is so strong for such a scrawny little boy. He tries to hold up his head and check out this crazy world. Sometimes when he's ready to eat he gets so excited that he beats me up pretty good with his upper cuts and jabs. Eli likes to hold on to my finger and his grip is astonishing. Even his doctor remarked at his skinny/strong legs. Changing his diaper or clothes is a bit challenging. It seems concerning to have to hold a baby's legs so tightly, but if we don't get a good grip he's likely to jump away and run for the door naked.

When Eli was born one of the first things I noticed about him was this cute little fold on his nose. As he gets older it's less prominant but still when he squishes up his face to cry it makes a long line across his whole face from eye to eye. Then I say "don't be sad little Squints. You won't always look so silly" and he cries some more.

People say babies this young can't smile, or that those expressions are gas or whatever. I agree that Eli isn't smiling at me just yet, but boy, he's certainly smiling at something. He has smirks, huge gummy grins, and soft pleased expressions. He does them when he's awake, asleep, burping, and bathing. I really enjoy his happy little face. Can't get enough of it.

first real bath

I love bathing babies. I have been so tempted to dunk Eli for days now. His cord is all better now so he can officially graduate from sponge baths to the tub. Of couse Mason wanted in on the action. When Mason was a newborn we found the bath and the noise of running water would calm him when nothing else worked. Our trick to helping the babies feel secure in the water is to swaddle them tightly and put the whole bundle in the water. As they get comfortable and accustomed to the sensation we slowly remove the blanket. If they get cold or insecure, pulling the blanket over their torso does the trick.

like father like son

Birth Story: From across the street

{creative liberties taken}

Linda was awake. Once again she just couldn't sleep. In typical Linda fashion she made the most of her extra night time hours, she was cleaning. Her chore of choice this early Thursday morning was dusting. It took a little longer with all of the Christmas decorations on many surfaces.

She was the first to notice there was something amiss in the normally quiet neighborhood. Right before four she saw lights come on across the street. The young father living there ran out in the rainy weather and started the car. Then he came out carrying his toddler and some bags and returned to the house. Moments later he ran back out and took the crying child back in.

Linda did not have long to analyze what she'd seen, for within minutes the dark street erupted in flashing lights and vehicles. First, policemen. Next, paramedics in a first response vehicle. Then, a couple in a jeep who Linda recognized as relatives. Finally, the wail of sirens was heard and an ambulance arrived.

Her curiosity couldn't be contained. She threw on a jacket and crossed the street. She approached the officers near the porch. Despite her manners and benign questions, she was only told "I'm sorry ma'am. We can't say."

to the world

There is a lot to be said about Eli and his amazing story. But I'm tired. And since a picture is worth a thousand words...

Announcing...

Elijah Parker Starr was born into his astonished mother's hands on December 16th at 4:10am at home. He was shortly introduced to his startled father Jason, big brother Mason, shocked policemen,  skilled paramedics, excited grandparents, and eventually an ambulance crew.

Eli weighs 8 lbs and is 19 inches long. We are overwhelmed at his entrance to this world and feel so blessed to have a happy healthy baby.

dear mary, I'm sorry

Today I was thinking about the reason we have Christmas and all that Christ did for me. I started to think of his mother, Mary, and how difficult it must have been for her to bring him into this world under such humble conditions. I was filled with guilt as I reviewed all of my modern comforts and conveniences. I have my medical professionals, family, and friends on stand by. I pretty much know how and where I will be delivering my child. Goodness, I complain of discomfort! Imagine traveling over 100 miles on foot or on a donkey! So Mary, I'm sorry. And, of course, thank you.

compare and contrast

I know that I shouldn't compare my kids... so I'll compare pregnancies! I've been noticing some little differences. It's almost like this is a whole new boy or something.

With my first I lost a lot of weight before I gained any. 

With the second I only lost a few pounds and feel a lot bigger.

I would get crazy bad leg cramps with Mason at night. 

Occasionally my foot will get a charlie horse, but it's heartburn that bothers me this time around. 

Mason had a sweet spot on my right rib that he would attack with his feet. It was always tender and sore. 

Lucky is a little less intense but always seems to be squirming. He does do barrel rolls when I least expect it.

I used to get dizzy in the shower with the first. 

I am addicted to baths and soaking my joints lately.

My feet would swell a bit at night and it felt really strange to get out of bed in the morning with tight toes. 

I get up every night between 3-4am STARVING. Bread and jam and back to bed.

watermelon?!

I keep losing track of how much time I have before the due date. So I checked one of the little apps I have tonight. I says I have less than four weeks, and that the baby is about the size of a watermelon. Watermelon! Of course I feel like I have a huge watermelon in my stomach, but I think they might be referencing the smaller seedless variety.

Things are going really good though.  I have to consciously focus on NOT walking like a monkey from the Planet of the Apes remake (mmmm... Marky Mark). I start out nights in my own bed, spend a few hours in the chair in Mason's room, and usually end up on the couch. I slipped about two inches the other day while mopping the floor. Those two inches cost me several hours of pain. And I've started throwing up randomly.

So we focus on the less than four weeks part...
But I hate due dates. I'm still trying to think of due month. Any time in December... any time.

I am so excited to meet my baby. When I can't sleep at night I try to imagine who he will be.

busted

Jason and I had an appointment with the midwife yesterday to talk about our birth plan. That's right, birth plan. Yet another reason I'm in love with the midwife approach. Not that I have big spectacular plans or very alternative wishes, but it's so refreshing to have someone ask what I'd like to have happen. It's good to know that I can do some things my way (like not being stuck in a bed strapped to equipment) and that's Laurie is still keeping me safe (like getting on the monitors from time to time).

The big news is that she got in an accident and broke her shoulder. I keep waiting to freak out about this, but I'm not. I felt so strongly that I should switch providers, now it's looking like she probably won't do the actual delivery. Perhaps it's me, maybe I'm bad luck. Our Doc with Mason ended up getting sick and wasn't the one that delivered him either. Does it matter? I think the "big switch" got me on the right road, does it matter who is at the end? I can't believe I'm so calm about saying "Yeah, let's plan on the midwife student doing the actual delivery". Seriously?

Perhaps this is my chance really have the very calm, involved, intimate delivery that I want. If I am even half lucid, I want to do as much of it myself as possible. I am reasonable though. Come up with whatever birth plan you want, there's only so much you have control over. Won't it be funny when I end up so heavily medicated that I don't remember a thing?!

i take it back

After writing that I am going to wait a while longer before I start getting things ready I had a bit of a wake up call. I've been experiencing A LOT of false contractions with this pregnancy. They are annoying and uncomfortable and I'm glad they didn't bug me much last time. A few nights ago they were driving me nuts so I laid down. That usually makes them go away. They didn't. They actually got stronger and started in coming in organized waves of pain. The pain was different.  Like real contraction pain. I told Jason and he started timing them to see the pattern. Meanwhile we both had a moment of "Oh my gosh we are so not ready for this".

The pain eventually faded off and I faded into dream land where I had all sorts of dreams of unpreparedness. So as much fun as it was last delivery (leaving the bag and camera in the car because I was sure they were going to send us home) I think it's time to get organized. Another motivating factor is Jess and Dan came and moved most of their stuff out of the basement so I can actually get to the baby boxes. I'm sure we have just about everything we need, it's just a matter of finding it.

next month and the crater

Today is November. That means I can officially say I'm having my baby next month. Sure, it's way over a month, but it's next month! Jason politely asked me to refrain from going crazy with all the preparation until around Thanksgiving. So the crib and hospital bag stay stashed away physically but mentally I've set it all up and packed a dozen times. He's the sensible one. I'd have everything pulled out and in the way. I already have a half dozen projects and deep cleaning attempts that aren't finished. So instead of being closer to being ready, I get further away each day. I thought about sending Mason to play with a family member for a day so I can actually finish something around the house. Then I realized I'd probably just fall asleep, never wake, and waste the day. I better save my favors for the post baby chaos.

I'm loving my big round baby growing belly. I forget how much mass I have in front of me. Occasionally I bump into things. Or the best is when I try to squeeze past someone and end up stuck. I say excuse me while they look at my stomach with an expression that says "what were you thinking"? Getting out of bed is ridiculous, so I try to sweetly ask Jason to get stuff for me so I don't have to get up once I'm down. It makes me feel La-Zy!!!. If only he could pee for me...

I've started wearing Jason's T-shirts to bed... and occasionally beyond. He says it's cute but I know he's really thinking "I hope she gives that one back before basketball on Tuesday". I wish I could let myself wear PJs or work out clothes all day long but it makes me feel like a scrub. I know there will be too many days like that after the baby arrives. The good news is that I can still tie my own shoes (yes, I wore real shoes one day last week).

The strangest thing to me is that my belly button just won't give up. With Mason's pregnancy it just slowly disappeared. I felt sort of inhuman without a belly button. This time, no matter how big I've been getting, it still won't let go. This creates a funny little crater indentation that you can see even when fully clothed. Like someone stuck their finger in rising dough. It's funny. And probably too much information.

1 o'clocka 2 o'clocka

I'm prepared for a little one to join our family. I'm not fooling myself thinking it will be easy. Baby1 was not easy. Even if Baby2 is easy, having both will not be.

I just didn't think it would start so soon. I was up all night with both kids, one crying out through the whole night and the other beating me up from the inside out. Lucky's always very active, but last night's continuous acrobatics kept jolting me awake. I think I even cried out a time or two. I really couldn't sleep through it.

At today's check up I was asked if I do Kick Counts. I laughed. There is really, really no need to count his movements. Perhaps I should track if he's ever NOT kicking.

grateful

• for living in a place and time that I get to choose where, with who, and how I have my baby delivered.
• for all the medical options I can have access to if needed
• for the awesome machines that let me hear my baby's heartbeat
• for the people who dedicated their life's work to discovering how the body works
• for simple tests and procedures that can make life possible and healthy
• that someone finally took the carbonation out of the gestational diabetes glucose test drink. It previously made me so very very sick that I've been fearing it more than labor. It was easy peasy.

the big switcheroo

I love Doc. I thank him for the baby I have. I thank him for all the odd hour appointments and his availability. I thank him for his compassion and tender words. I would highly recommend him. I hope he's not offended that we've decided to make a change.

Out of the blue in July I had a crazy feeling that I needed to change providers. It seemed like a crazy notion and I dismissed it as crazy pregnancy hormones. The feeling didn't go away and I had a little freak out wondering why I felt this way and what I was going to do.

I met my Certified Nurse Midwife today. She's everything on my list and more. She even told me that if I never came in for another appointment she would understand and be happy that I was following my heart. Though I spent hours at the hospital catching up on paperwork, questionnaires, labs, and exams, I left feeling rejuvenated and empowered.

I don't know if this choice has significance. Sometimes we are prompted by the spirit to do things. Other times God lets us make whatever decision we feel is best. All I know is how calm and happy I feel.

a rose by any other name...

Mason has a name picked out for Lucky. He's really quite insistent. We won't make any promises until we meet our baby, but the name is certainly growing on us. And it's so cute the way he says it...

We'll see if it fits.

big brother is watching

Mason is watching out for you, Lucky.

This morning he woke up first and came and got me out of bed. I sat up and said "ssssstretch" and we both reached out our arms like we always do. Suddenly he looked concerned and asked "Where'd the baby go?" (My stomach doesn't stick out very much in the morning, especially compared to the evenings when I'm tired from lugging a two year old around all day). I pulled my shirt tight across my stomach and reassured him the baby was still right there.

"Oh good!" he said, leaned over and kissed my belly, and ran out the door.

bigger is better

These are my toes.
It's getting really uncomfortable to get to them, so my sweet niece Lauren does them for me.
It's one of those little things that make me smile a lot.

Here's your future family, kiddo.
We went out exploring today.
When I saw this picture I laughed.
We look so young.
I look so pregnant.
But bigger is better and our family will be so much better when you get here.

the good, the bad, and the ugly

THE GOOD: I am days away from "officially" being in my third trimester, but who's counting right? I realized yesterday that in three months it's very likely I will have Lil Lucky kicking me from the outside instead of the inside. Also good: I am feeling pretty good. I have energy! Not a ton, but enough.

THE BAD: I am feeling a bit sick again and it's mostly at night. I also have a hard time doing simple things, like getting in the jeep, lifting my leg to get dressed, and holding Mason very long. I'll admit I'm a bit envious of women who feel great when pregnant. I just don't. But I've learned to appreciate my normal healthy body when it's over.

THE UGLY: I busted out the maternity pants yesterday. They are barely tolerable but I've started running out of options. I'm considering starting my own clothing line of maternity clothes that aren't horrible. It doesn't seem like so much to ask..